No newspapers to read parked in the balcony with one leg crossed on top of the other. The internet has even saved me the trouble of flipping pages, trying to forge a busy morning by relaxing for a few minutes scrambling through the paper. All I have is a laptop that reliably lets me sit in bed till my butt gets numb or my eyes dim into a deep sleep. How mundane mornings have become for me, as I wave my husband good bye, I pray for a few minutes, make breakfast and plop right into bed with a cup of oatmeal/tea, and my beautifully crafted Sony VAIO. I Google random words like PayPal/jobs/weight loss/Azithromycin; follow a few people of Facebook, click on Home several times to see if there are others with nothing else to do but update their status. What a waste of time, but nevertheless it must be done, for I am lacking creativity and zest. As the day scouts by, I search for the regular jobs knowing very well I need to lie on my resume about my education qualifications if not I will not get a simple job that only requires a high school graduate. I pin my hopes nevertheless that truth will get me somewhere and even though I delete my qualifications, I go back and retype it, only to apply for another rejection. As the day dampens by now I have probably clicked on home a few 100 times, x-ed out of the website only to reopen it within 2 minutes. I wait in search of ideas of what to do, ways to be of use to humanity. Is not getting me into any trouble or causing anyone any trouble serving humanity as well? Is that enough to rest a peaceful soul at night?

January 21st, 2010.

Eyes shut

Today my thoughts are pensive, deep lived within my soul I gather what was told and lose what was foretold. I close my eyes and type my mind as it wanders through the desert green. My brain phantom’s a larger me not by size but by existence solely unclean. I have become what I was doomed an unreasonable brave soul and yet I am what I believe and still I live confused. How serene this world could be if we all closed our eyes and wandered. For my thoughts are stronger than the sight I see for my words more peaceful than my soul. I am writing this message solely blinded with my fingertips leading my mind, for I have always wanted to explore these territories which lay buried deep in my psyche. I speak for words unspoken, I lay a courageous fight. For I am what I perceive and yet I stay blind. If my husband saw me doing this he would know exactly what was wrong he knows me for who I am, my beauty kindled and spurned. He wishes I’d write a ballad or two, a love saga unsung. But my mind is so untrue to me as it drifts with its own new tune, like a river that inches with each droplet to make a pattern of seas. I wish I could write on forever and ever unstopping as my thoughts unfold but I live a life so demanding were work conceals the soul, for I have to make a future and that baffles my inner core. For I am what I believe and yet I am so bemused…

~ Falak

Certainty in Uncertain Times.

It’s a little scary when you have local banks in the area advertising that they have money to lend and commercials airing on television detailing how possible it is to lose your job by next year.

Here is what Hyundai had to say: “Today, in addition to our warranty, we’re introducing Hyundai Assurance, to show you the faith we have in you. Right now, buy or lease any new Hyundai, and if in the next year you lose your income, we’ll let you return it. That’s the Hyundai Assurance. ” http://www.hyundaiusa.com/financing/HyundaiAssurance/HyundaiAssurance.aspx
We may trust you but we don’t trust the economy??!!